ONLY LOVE REMAINS
It is July 2011, and it feels odd to sit and write about Omer(may God be eternally pleased with him), on his third birthday, for to me it is his birthday and not a day of death as some believe.
In some ways he has not ever left, but in others many of us still miss his wonderful form. I am asked by some, why do you leave this page up? Take it down and move on. Others want clarity to its importance in work & life, they want specifics of its significance - especially as my life shifts more towards working in the world to help others, and becomes less of a solitary seclusion with the Divine.
Omer and I had little time together on this earth, but I can say with certitude that he changed my life more than I could ever imagine one single person could. I would not be as awake to reality in this moment if it were not for all the support and love that came through and lives with me still.
I would not be so strong in my conviction to work in this world and help others had it not been for the shining example he set before me, and I would not be able to continue on after such traumatic life experiences if it were not for the Divine Love our Love was the catalyst for.
AND SO, dear friends and clients (old & new) this page remains as a tribute not to one single man, but as a TESTIMONY TO LOVE, and all that unselfish, unconditional love awakens in us, and inspires us to do in this world. This, my life, my love & my clinical practice would not exist if this one being had not entered and left in exactly the way that he did.
MAY
PEACE, LOVE & LIGHT SHINE IN ALL BEINGS' LIVES INSPIRING THEM TO GREATNESS THAT LIES WITHIN THEM
In some ways he has not ever left, but in others many of us still miss his wonderful form. I am asked by some, why do you leave this page up? Take it down and move on. Others want clarity to its importance in work & life, they want specifics of its significance - especially as my life shifts more towards working in the world to help others, and becomes less of a solitary seclusion with the Divine.
Omer and I had little time together on this earth, but I can say with certitude that he changed my life more than I could ever imagine one single person could. I would not be as awake to reality in this moment if it were not for all the support and love that came through and lives with me still.
I would not be so strong in my conviction to work in this world and help others had it not been for the shining example he set before me, and I would not be able to continue on after such traumatic life experiences if it were not for the Divine Love our Love was the catalyst for.
AND SO, dear friends and clients (old & new) this page remains as a tribute not to one single man, but as a TESTIMONY TO LOVE, and all that unselfish, unconditional love awakens in us, and inspires us to do in this world. This, my life, my love & my clinical practice would not exist if this one being had not entered and left in exactly the way that he did.
MAY
PEACE, LOVE & LIGHT SHINE IN ALL BEINGS' LIVES INSPIRING THEM TO GREATNESS THAT LIES WITHIN THEM
Here you will find poetry of mine, of Omer's and others that we shared with each other during our short time together. Omer Fereig (ra) my beloved husband was struck by lightning on July 8, 2008 while under a tree at Christie Pits in Toronto, ON
May his life & love be an example and inspiration for us all.
All original material is copyrighted ©2008/2009 , please seek permission before use.
The Hadith of Love
He saw the lightning flash
and yearned toward the East.
If it had flashed West
west he'd have turned.
I burn for the lightning,
for the flash,
not for this or that –
some piece of ground.
The East wind told me
a tradition about them, from
the wreck of my heart, from
ecstasy, sorrow, my disarray
From drunkenness, reason,
longing, the wound of love,
from tears, my eyelids,
the fire, my heart:
He whom you desire
is between your ribs,
turned side to side
in the heat of your sigh.
I told them tell him
he's the one
who kindled the fire
blazing in my heart.
It is extinguished only
in our coming together. If
it burns out of control,
who can be blamed for loving?
Muhyiddeen Ibn ‘Arabi
From: Stations of Desire: Translations from Turjuman al-ashwaq by Michael Sells
(emailed to Omer on January 10, 2008 – 6 months before his death)
and yearned toward the East.
If it had flashed West
west he'd have turned.
I burn for the lightning,
for the flash,
not for this or that –
some piece of ground.
The East wind told me
a tradition about them, from
the wreck of my heart, from
ecstasy, sorrow, my disarray
From drunkenness, reason,
longing, the wound of love,
from tears, my eyelids,
the fire, my heart:
He whom you desire
is between your ribs,
turned side to side
in the heat of your sigh.
I told them tell him
he's the one
who kindled the fire
blazing in my heart.
It is extinguished only
in our coming together. If
it burns out of control,
who can be blamed for loving?
Muhyiddeen Ibn ‘Arabi
From: Stations of Desire: Translations from Turjuman al-ashwaq by Michael Sells
(emailed to Omer on January 10, 2008 – 6 months before his death)
Omer's Wedding Vows
Do not look to the shade of my eyes
Or the constellations of the stars
To know the depth of my love
Because colors change, and the stars move
As the seasons come and go
But this is a love for all seasons
Just as the world turns through its phases
Of light and darkness, of warmth and cold
Though the sun always shines, ever true
So our life together will go through its phases
Of absence and intimacy, of hurt and healing
Though the sun of our love and commitment will always shine, ever true
I will not just love you for this or that reason
But because it is in the nature of my being
The same Being from which we both came, and to which we are returning
So join me my love, on this journey of love that is life
Where the Lover and Beloved meet and embrace
This journey that begins today, and ends in Eternity
Or the constellations of the stars
To know the depth of my love
Because colors change, and the stars move
As the seasons come and go
But this is a love for all seasons
Just as the world turns through its phases
Of light and darkness, of warmth and cold
Though the sun always shines, ever true
So our life together will go through its phases
Of absence and intimacy, of hurt and healing
Though the sun of our love and commitment will always shine, ever true
I will not just love you for this or that reason
But because it is in the nature of my being
The same Being from which we both came, and to which we are returning
So join me my love, on this journey of love that is life
Where the Lover and Beloved meet and embrace
This journey that begins today, and ends in Eternity
Diane's Wedding Vows
Mere dil, mere jaan , mere dilruba
You truly are all these things to me - My heart, my life, the shape of my heart
It was with so much hesitation I met you that first day
Perhaps somehow I knew what lay before me and what the Divine One intended
My mind protested -- But my heart knew you before I laid eyes on you, for I was dreaming about you well over a year before our meeting.
As I stand here today looking into your eyes, I truly feel I am standing before a miracle.
A Divine miracle of profound Love – that conspired to bring two hearts together
I feel there is nothing in this life I can promise you that God hasn’t already granted you.
But I give you my sacred Word I will always stick by you through thick & thin, I will always walk beside you, and I will never doubt the Love god had placed in our hearts
Today I feel we are embarking on a sacred journey…
Not a journey fo a lifetime but one of many lives
As ancient as this earth we stand upon.
With all that we both have learned, and all the sacred scripture we are blessed to know, finding one thing I wanted to read was difficult because so much seemed so pertinent.
I pray that what I have chosen reveals what is in my heart:
“I cannot tell anything about Thee, except that Thou art my love. Thou art beautiful, Oh Thou art beautiful! Thou art beauty itself!” What is after all really required of us in this Yoga is that our thirst after the beautiful should be directed to God. What is the beauty in the human face, in the sky, in the stars, and in the moon? It is only the partial apprehension of the real all-embracing divine beauty.
Sometimes a little friction is produced, but that is only in the course of the struggle to attain the higher real love. Sometimes there is a little fight or a little fall; but it is all only by the way. Stand aside and freely let these frictions come. You feel the frictions only when you are in the current of the world, but when you are outside of it simply as a witness and as a student, you will be able to see that there are millions and millions of channels in which God is manifesting Himself as Love.
“None O beloved, ever loved the husband for the husband’s sake; it is the Atman, the Lord who is within, for whose sake the husband is loved.” Loving wives may know this or they may not; it is true all the same. “None O beloved ever loved the wife of the wife’s sake, but it is the Self in the wife that is loved.” (taken from : Bhakti Yoga by Swami Vivekananda p. 71-73)
You truly are all these things to me - My heart, my life, the shape of my heart
It was with so much hesitation I met you that first day
Perhaps somehow I knew what lay before me and what the Divine One intended
My mind protested -- But my heart knew you before I laid eyes on you, for I was dreaming about you well over a year before our meeting.
As I stand here today looking into your eyes, I truly feel I am standing before a miracle.
A Divine miracle of profound Love – that conspired to bring two hearts together
I feel there is nothing in this life I can promise you that God hasn’t already granted you.
But I give you my sacred Word I will always stick by you through thick & thin, I will always walk beside you, and I will never doubt the Love god had placed in our hearts
Today I feel we are embarking on a sacred journey…
Not a journey fo a lifetime but one of many lives
As ancient as this earth we stand upon.
With all that we both have learned, and all the sacred scripture we are blessed to know, finding one thing I wanted to read was difficult because so much seemed so pertinent.
I pray that what I have chosen reveals what is in my heart:
“I cannot tell anything about Thee, except that Thou art my love. Thou art beautiful, Oh Thou art beautiful! Thou art beauty itself!” What is after all really required of us in this Yoga is that our thirst after the beautiful should be directed to God. What is the beauty in the human face, in the sky, in the stars, and in the moon? It is only the partial apprehension of the real all-embracing divine beauty.
Sometimes a little friction is produced, but that is only in the course of the struggle to attain the higher real love. Sometimes there is a little fight or a little fall; but it is all only by the way. Stand aside and freely let these frictions come. You feel the frictions only when you are in the current of the world, but when you are outside of it simply as a witness and as a student, you will be able to see that there are millions and millions of channels in which God is manifesting Himself as Love.
“None O beloved, ever loved the husband for the husband’s sake; it is the Atman, the Lord who is within, for whose sake the husband is loved.” Loving wives may know this or they may not; it is true all the same. “None O beloved ever loved the wife of the wife’s sake, but it is the Self in the wife that is loved.” (taken from : Bhakti Yoga by Swami Vivekananda p. 71-73)
Scattered Notes found in plastic bags
– written between 2006-2008
“What an indeed superlative privilege that one may earn a living and have the freedom to engage in love at the same time. What is love? It is to allow one’s soul to soar free from all bonds towards the Beloved of one’s being, which is none other than the light of the immanent Divine Intellect.”
- Date: summer 2007
“Is liberation an illusion? Is illusion an illusion, what is illusion and what is real. Who is there to be liberated and from what; if both are illusory the what is liberation but illusion…”
- Date: unknown
“There is neither ‘is’ nor ‘is not’, there just is. Affirmation and negation are both illusory, for they require one another. There is neither this nor that, neither is real. There is neither you nor me, only I. All is illusion there only ‘is’ nothing. ‘Nothing’ is. Emptiness and void embrace and are everything, there really is nothing that is apart from emptiness and voidness.
Being is illusion, for it conjures both nothingness and ‘beyond-being.’ Nothing is true, for it has no opposites, Silence is real for there is nothing else or other than it. Who speaks lies, who lives negates. Only the Absolute….
Why go on when nothing really matters?
What is this thing called duty? …an inner drive?
What is the fuel for this inner drive?
· Why is it there
· What is it
· Why does it keep on going
· What is it driven by
What is it if everything is illusory and there in nothing but emptiness?”
- Date: unknown
“Pure causality does not equal anthropomorphic motivation”
- Date: unknown
“Existential experience is feminine with respect to the masculinity of the Intellect.
Disinterested, Noble, Duty that acts from the universal necessity of the particular nature of things, without regard to individual preferences and so necessarily individualistic tendencies will ‘suffer’ from such manliness.
Every mode of experience is feminine and transitory with respect to a superior degree of experience, until knowing and being coincide at the Supreme degree where they reside in Eternity.”
- Date: unknown
“What does it mean to obey a command but to conform oneself to the dictates and prerogatives of the nature of things, quite apart from any individualistic and volitional assertiveness.
Fervour is the sentimental repercussion of a deep and profound awareness, indifference of sentiments is indicative of an absent intellection.
To worship is to be in an active and existential mode of adequation with a “reality more real” than oneself.
What is the difference between worship and devotion?
See Huyum Nov 17 2005 [?? Writing unclear]”
- Date: unknown
- Date: summer 2007
“Is liberation an illusion? Is illusion an illusion, what is illusion and what is real. Who is there to be liberated and from what; if both are illusory the what is liberation but illusion…”
- Date: unknown
“There is neither ‘is’ nor ‘is not’, there just is. Affirmation and negation are both illusory, for they require one another. There is neither this nor that, neither is real. There is neither you nor me, only I. All is illusion there only ‘is’ nothing. ‘Nothing’ is. Emptiness and void embrace and are everything, there really is nothing that is apart from emptiness and voidness.
Being is illusion, for it conjures both nothingness and ‘beyond-being.’ Nothing is true, for it has no opposites, Silence is real for there is nothing else or other than it. Who speaks lies, who lives negates. Only the Absolute….
Why go on when nothing really matters?
What is this thing called duty? …an inner drive?
What is the fuel for this inner drive?
· Why is it there
· What is it
· Why does it keep on going
· What is it driven by
What is it if everything is illusory and there in nothing but emptiness?”
- Date: unknown
“Pure causality does not equal anthropomorphic motivation”
- Date: unknown
“Existential experience is feminine with respect to the masculinity of the Intellect.
Disinterested, Noble, Duty that acts from the universal necessity of the particular nature of things, without regard to individual preferences and so necessarily individualistic tendencies will ‘suffer’ from such manliness.
Every mode of experience is feminine and transitory with respect to a superior degree of experience, until knowing and being coincide at the Supreme degree where they reside in Eternity.”
- Date: unknown
“What does it mean to obey a command but to conform oneself to the dictates and prerogatives of the nature of things, quite apart from any individualistic and volitional assertiveness.
Fervour is the sentimental repercussion of a deep and profound awareness, indifference of sentiments is indicative of an absent intellection.
To worship is to be in an active and existential mode of adequation with a “reality more real” than oneself.
What is the difference between worship and devotion?
See Huyum Nov 17 2005 [?? Writing unclear]”
- Date: unknown
A WONDERFUL LADY
I met a wonderful lady
About whom there was no maybe
Who showed me the meaning of love
And of what comes from above
We walked and held hands
And talked of distant lands
We travelled back & forth
Between south & north
Just to be with one another
Certain there could be no other
With whom I wanted to share my life
And so I made the wonderful lady my wife
[exact date unknown; between September 2007-july 2008]
About whom there was no maybe
Who showed me the meaning of love
And of what comes from above
We walked and held hands
And talked of distant lands
We travelled back & forth
Between south & north
Just to be with one another
Certain there could be no other
With whom I wanted to share my life
And so I made the wonderful lady my wife
[exact date unknown; between September 2007-july 2008]
When I Prayed
by James Watkins 090108
St. Augustine Lightning
When I prayed
There was lightning in heaven,
I stood upon oceans,
Saw seas swell and roar,
Nations moved, and
Life changed forever.
When I spoke
Angels flew swiftly
To careful cause-
Loosed in lofty height
To conquer and complete
As they found purpose
In being.
Worlds bent,
Time fractured at reveled call,
Curse reversed,
Plans unfolded,
Death contained,
And mountains shaken,
Then moved.
When I listened,
I heard the clarion-
Clear and conquering-
Veils of time rent
And all tribes gathering,
In slow movement
Of tears and triumph,
As lost, faltering death
Struck its last feeble blow.
Went I bowed, hope began.
Change kindled,
And paths were clear before me.
Freedom sprung forth,
Dark departed,
And doorways long closed
Became the challenge
Of one faithful step
Upon another
On highways of liquid light.
Many thanks to James Watkins for the beautiful poetry & photos. You can see more on his site here.
There was lightning in heaven,
I stood upon oceans,
Saw seas swell and roar,
Nations moved, and
Life changed forever.
When I spoke
Angels flew swiftly
To careful cause-
Loosed in lofty height
To conquer and complete
As they found purpose
In being.
Worlds bent,
Time fractured at reveled call,
Curse reversed,
Plans unfolded,
Death contained,
And mountains shaken,
Then moved.
When I listened,
I heard the clarion-
Clear and conquering-
Veils of time rent
And all tribes gathering,
In slow movement
Of tears and triumph,
As lost, faltering death
Struck its last feeble blow.
Went I bowed, hope began.
Change kindled,
And paths were clear before me.
Freedom sprung forth,
Dark departed,
And doorways long closed
Became the challenge
Of one faithful step
Upon another
On highways of liquid light.
Many thanks to James Watkins for the beautiful poetry & photos. You can see more on his site here.
The Longing
July 29, 2009
Oh my sweet beloved
How I am in love with your form!
I long for our sweet union
But how can it manifest when it means I must drop your form to be come One?
For it is your beautiful form that seduced me and drew me in
Tempting me to leave this worldly life
Beckoning to a Divine Consciousness beyond
Beyond all thought and manifestation!
You dropped tastes of this on my tongue
With each of your sweet words
And I begged for more
Now, here
Now, there
I swing between You and You in your diversity of manifestation
As I swing, I come to understand it is YOU, YOU, YOU that I long for
And it is YOU, YOU, YOU that I LOVE with all my being!
YET I ask THEE how do we unite? How do we drop the veil that remains
The one veil that lays between THEE and THINE
Keeping the unity from recognizing the unity for more than a moment
You have sent me taste upon taste
And I realize…I am in love with the tasting
My sweet One, rip back this veil and leave nothing unknown
Reveal to me our oneness so I no longer wish to taste, and only wish to become known
©2009 D.Fereig
Oh my sweet beloved
How I am in love with your form!
I long for our sweet union
But how can it manifest when it means I must drop your form to be come One?
For it is your beautiful form that seduced me and drew me in
Tempting me to leave this worldly life
Beckoning to a Divine Consciousness beyond
Beyond all thought and manifestation!
You dropped tastes of this on my tongue
With each of your sweet words
And I begged for more
Now, here
Now, there
I swing between You and You in your diversity of manifestation
As I swing, I come to understand it is YOU, YOU, YOU that I long for
And it is YOU, YOU, YOU that I LOVE with all my being!
YET I ask THEE how do we unite? How do we drop the veil that remains
The one veil that lays between THEE and THINE
Keeping the unity from recognizing the unity for more than a moment
You have sent me taste upon taste
And I realize…I am in love with the tasting
My sweet One, rip back this veil and leave nothing unknown
Reveal to me our oneness so I no longer wish to taste, and only wish to become known
©2009 D.Fereig
When You Wake August 22, 2009
Wayfarer,
We are like two cups of water
That God poured in a vase.
I am ONE with you beyond
Recognition.
Of course
Whatever dreams
You have of this world
I can also say are mine.
Odd,
BUT...it is TRUE,
'Water' can sleep.
When you wake, dear one,
Do not be frightened,
We will be swinging a rope
Around Muhammad,
Watching the Sun
so joyously laugh and skip
In the middle of our
UNBELIEVABLE
DIVINE
UNION!
Hafiz
We are like two cups of water
That God poured in a vase.
I am ONE with you beyond
Recognition.
Of course
Whatever dreams
You have of this world
I can also say are mine.
Odd,
BUT...it is TRUE,
'Water' can sleep.
When you wake, dear one,
Do not be frightened,
We will be swinging a rope
Around Muhammad,
Watching the Sun
so joyously laugh and skip
In the middle of our
UNBELIEVABLE
DIVINE
UNION!
Hafiz
Anniversary Dance
This morning you came
You came so softly and sweetly
It was almost unexpected….
Your ARRIVAL
BUT…
I had been expecting you
Two years
Two years like time standing still
And I recall our conversation
“All we need is two years to work out the tensions, and surrender”
A conversation we had soon after our sweet marriage of September, as we began to understand
Understand egos fighting so hard to assert identities, that didn’t even exist
And Oh how we fought! Despite knowing it was all reflections of another You.
Now…
Now, we rarely fight, if at all…
It is two years my love
“Happy Anniversary!” I say
There are no flowers,
No candlelight dinners
No days off, languishing in the September sun.
But there is
There IS
There IS….You
You & I, and nothing,
but nothing, and nothing
I read in your absence, that searching for that indispensible someone leads to NO ONE
and I thought but how could I not search?
Search for YOU? My ONE, one of my ENTIRE BEING..
And I searched - searched everywhere inside & out
and now I have stopped…for here we are
Today,
Two years have passed, we’ve completely surrendered and we are dancing
Dancing to a rhythm Divine
A rhythm that does not follow any dogmas
Nor dictate any actions
But has led us both
Led us both
To NO ONE
September 7, 2009.
©2009 D. Fereig
You came so softly and sweetly
It was almost unexpected….
Your ARRIVAL
BUT…
I had been expecting you
Two years
Two years like time standing still
And I recall our conversation
“All we need is two years to work out the tensions, and surrender”
A conversation we had soon after our sweet marriage of September, as we began to understand
Understand egos fighting so hard to assert identities, that didn’t even exist
And Oh how we fought! Despite knowing it was all reflections of another You.
Now…
Now, we rarely fight, if at all…
It is two years my love
“Happy Anniversary!” I say
There are no flowers,
No candlelight dinners
No days off, languishing in the September sun.
But there is
There IS
There IS….You
You & I, and nothing,
but nothing, and nothing
I read in your absence, that searching for that indispensible someone leads to NO ONE
and I thought but how could I not search?
Search for YOU? My ONE, one of my ENTIRE BEING..
And I searched - searched everywhere inside & out
and now I have stopped…for here we are
Today,
Two years have passed, we’ve completely surrendered and we are dancing
Dancing to a rhythm Divine
A rhythm that does not follow any dogmas
Nor dictate any actions
But has led us both
Led us both
To NO ONE
September 7, 2009.
©2009 D. Fereig
